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Sometimes I wonder what this Easter-eve was like for Jesus' disciples. But, then I think the text doesn't need to spell it out for us- we already know. We all know the pain and confusion of when God's plans don't unfold in the simple and tidy way we imagined them. We know the strange numbness of grief when it seems as though time has stood still. And also the disorienting feeling of needing to carry on with life. They prepared spices and ointments- the only way they knew to show honor to their Jesus. And they rested on the Sabbath. It was the only thing they knew to do. What do we do when we find ourself in the still and quiet grief of Saturday- when the impossible has happened, and we don't see how God could possibly work this out for His glory and our good? We honor Jesus. We worship. We rest in Him. And we get ready for Him to do a new thing.  The new thing might not be tomorrow. Or next year. Or ten years from now. But we are the resurrection people. We have alr...

Thoughts from my car as I run errands. (Don’t worry. I’m parked.) Ladies, there’s been something on my mind for a long long time that has been simmering. It bubbles up in me every time I get an email from Christian book companies. Every time my work mailbox has yet another flyer about yet another new Bible study or yet another simulcast with the current Christian celebrity. Every time someone te lls me that they just “want to get their book into the hands of the women of our church.” (In other words- they want me as a women’s ministry director to use my influence to sell their book.) We are a huge market. We, Christian women who want to follow God, are the source of BIG MONEY. Books. Bible studies. Simulcasts. Conferences. Yet another study Bible edition with pretty flowers on the cover. I wonder how many millions of dollars get spent every year on these things. They aren’t bad things. God has used particular Bible studies and conferences to deeply impact certain points of my life....

Wandering through the science museum I catch my reflection. I’m surrounded by spinning spheres and flashing lights and sound experiments and I remember the mirror reflection of this exact week last year. In this exact place. Evidently we have a predictable pattern just like this mirror on the wall. I stood in this spot and talked to our social worker. I told her we were angry. Frustrated. Feelin g used. Baby Bear had been moved from our home with less than 2 hours notice the week before- I fought for that 2 hours. Bear’s worker had wanted to come in 30 minutes. I remember pacing through this dizzying place telling our worker how tired we were of this pattern of feeling used and overlooked by the county. OUR biological children were vulnerable too. OUR children were accumulating trauma and loss from the county’s repeated disregard. And I wanted to be done. Looking in this reflection I think of how broken and used my heart felt. And now I think of the story God is weaving one year la...

We've had so many rushed goodbyes in foster care. Scrambling to write letters and print pictures and get a new Jesus Storybook Bible to send with our little ones as one last way to tell them how deeply loved they were from day one, that we will pray for them as they grow, and that our deepest prayer is that they come to know our good King Jesus.  Today the tables are turned. Yesterday we scrambled to find a Bible and write a letter and print a picture- but it was for Wonder Girl's bio father's "goodbye visit." In this day of heartbreak it is all we can do- one way to tell him how deeply loved his daughter has been from day one, that we will pray for him as we watch her grow, and that our deepest prayer is that he find freedom and wholeness in our good King.  There is beauty and brokenness in foster care and adoption. After surrendering his right to fight the motion for permanent custody, her bio dad told us through tears at court yesterday, ...

You are not crazy. This system is legit crazy. I know this feels like war. It is. But the people involved are not your enemy. Our battle is not against flesh and blood. Do not lose sight of that and try to fight against ones who will bleed from the war just like you do. I know this feels out of control. It is not. Our God is the sovereign One who sits enthroned above the earth. Your times, her  times, are in His hands. Rest in His sovereignty and His goodness and His grace. When you rest, you can laugh, you can enjoy the good gifts your Father has given today. Gifts like holding her, right now. Feel the weight of her in your arms. She is a gift. The way she looks at you, the way she trusts you, look to Him and trust Him like that. I know this feels too much for you. It is. He did not design you to carry this weight alone. Do not try to make yourself seem bigger than you are- just rest in His bigness. Take one step at a time, knowing He is walking beside you and the mountains tr...

Christianity is a call to die. Jesus not only saves us from the penalty and power of sin, He also saves us from the presence of sin in an ongoing process of teaching us to die to self and find life in Him. Transformation begins with a root of fearing God- recognizing that He is worthy to rule and reign and have His way in my life. Fear of God leads to a deepening humility as I see Him rightly and then see myself rightly as the subject of my King. As I humble myself daily I learn to surrender- to crawl back on the altar as a living sacrifice, day by day. This continual self-sacrifice demands perseverance through a lifetime of unanswered questions and suffering and the high and costly call of true discipleship. And finally, transformation bears the fruit of true gratitude - the sacrifice of praise - contentment in His presence no matter our present circumstances. Following Jesus is not an easy path. It is a hard fight - a good fight. A hard and good and worthy journey. {Reflections f...

I’ve been listening to Eric Metaxas’ great book Seven Women and the Secret of Their Greatness. Last night as I listened to the chapter about Corrie Ten Boom, one of the accounts hit me deeply this week of Thanksgiving. Corrie and her sister had been moved into a different barracks at the German concentration camp where they were imprisoned for hiding Jews during WWII. They realized that not only  was the straw on the beds rancid, it was also infested with fleas. As Corrie struggled with anger at the continued cruel and dehumanizing treatment they were facing, her sister Betsie reminded her of the verse they had read and discussed that morning from their treasured smuggled Bible. “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18 It was God’s will for them to give thanks in all circumstances. Betsie challenged Corrie to give thanks for everything - including the fleas. Corrie struggled against this but eventually did ...

Yesterday I sat in a courthouse with friends as they celebrated the finalization of their adoption. The journey has not been easy, and that sealed certificate does not mean smooth sailing from here. But God is good and trustworthy and is writing a beautiful story of redemption in their family. He is big enough for this. Today we sat in a different courtroom and wanted to scream as the system see med to fail our foster love yet again. The system. The system is not a person who has wronged her. The system is a broken collection of human beings- forgetful, distracted, budget-constrained, doing-as-they-were-told people who sometimes lose sight of the bigger picture but rarely is it malicious. The system is not a person. But the system is broken. This week I’ve been thinking about how often people come to us and express that they are considering being foster parents. Should I tell them the truth? The truth, my friends, is that adoption is not charity- it is war. (Quoted from Russell Moor...

As I read Matthew 2, this particular aspect of the Christmas story- one that never gets much attention during the beauty of our Christmas celebrations- jumped off the page this morning. In the middle of the wonder of the Christ-child’s long awaited coming, in the middle of magi traveling from afar to present lavish gifts and worship to this child-King, Herod is senselessly slaughtering children in   his fury. If there’s something I’ve seen vividly in foster care, it’s that Jesus loves little children - and the enemy hates them. You cannot enter in to a ministry of loving and caring for vulnerable ones without being roughed up in the fight. It feels senseless. And evil. Because it is. But Jesus still came. He comes to us. He came into the midst of this brokenness. He is still redeeming and restoring and His presence is all the more wonderful because our world is so very broken. Jesus, we are aching in the midst of this broken evil system today. But we know You are good. Y...

I used to do all the things. Cloth diapers. Homemade baby food. Homemade laundry detergent. Grinding my own wheat. Fresh baked bread. Homemade yogurt. Good grief, overachiever. Calm down. Tonight I fed my family dinner that a friend graciously dropped off and we ate on paper plates with red solo cups. I buy disposable diapers in bulk at Sam’s club and am grateful Aldi sells Greek yogurt. And those baby food pouches? What a glorious invention. I still do all the things. The list is just different. And as different things come on the list, something’s gotta give. Hey you, mama, feeling like a failure because you can’t do what you used to do, or can’t do all your friend does, or what your Pinterest board says you should do- stop it. Stop trying to do it all. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you, right? Don’t forget the context of that verse (Philippians 4:13)- Paul is saying he has learned the SECRET of being CONTENT- in any and every situation. What’s the secret? ...