He is big enough for this

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Wandering through the science museum I catch my reflection. I’m surrounded by spinning spheres and flashing lights and sound experiments and I remember the mirror reflection of this exact week last year. In this exact place. Evidently we have a predictable pattern just like this mirror on the wall.

I stood in this spot and talked to our social worker. I told her we were angry. Frustrated. Feeling used. Baby Bear had been moved from our home with less than 2 hours notice the week before- I fought for that 2 hours. Bear’s worker had wanted to come in 30 minutes.

I remember pacing through this dizzying place telling our worker how tired we were of this pattern of feeling used and overlooked by the county. OUR biological children were vulnerable too. OUR children were accumulating trauma and loss from the county’s repeated disregard. And I wanted to be done.

Looking in this reflection I think of how broken and used my heart felt. And now I think of the story God is weaving one year later. We could have missed Wonder Girl.

I love how God meets Gideon in the book of Judges, hiding from the Midianites, threshing wheat in a wine press because his heart lacked courage and faith. And yet, the greeting is “the Lord is with you, mighty warrior!” Pretty sure that’s not what Gideon saw in his reflection. God saw who he was in HIM, not on his own.

God saw my weary heart. He knew I felt bruised and broken. And He knew where He would carry us. How faithful He would be.

I’m thankful God wouldn’t let us be done. I’m thankful for my husband who patiently heard my heart and courageously challenged me to be faithful to God’s call. I’m thankful for a man who leads me and our family not with instruction or dominance but with prayer and wise words aptly spoken.

God sees you, friend. He sees your past and your present and your future. He knows what you are not capable of- and what He will enable you to do.

He is big enough for this.

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