One

Sitting in the safety of my living room with dear friends gathered around me, my jumbled, teary answer to the simple and sincere question came bubbling out. "Where are you guys with fostering?" For months they've heard my angst. The tug of war between my heart, my head, and God's call. We are four years in to this fostering journey, believe it or not, and it's time for our biannual license renewal. As this season of paperwork and trainings (trying to smash the last of our 40 hours of required training into an already full calendar) loomed, my heart and head were in full out revolt. And I had a lot of valid  reasons. This summer, chronic back pain I had been experiencing for years came crashing in on me and it was fairly debilitating for a season. After chiropractic and orthopaedic and physical therapy appointments I still wasn't feeling strong enough for the physical demands of caring for a baby. "Clearly," I thought, "we should be do...

Do you ever feel like Christmas has a tinge of  sadness at the edges? Like you’re supposed to be merry, but this out of place melancholy lurks just behind... a melancholy you might try to ignore or hide or camouflage with twinkly lights because it isn’t supposed to be there? I’ve been finishing up reading through Luke. It’s poignant somehow to be reading of Jesus’ crucifixion by the light of my Ch ristmas tree. We like the story of His birth better- it seems joyful and safe and appropriate for children. But there was a sadness at the edges that isn’t shown in my kids’ cute plastic nativity set with the happy faces. There was Mary giving birth in a dirty stable. There was hateful, power-hungry Herod. And children being murdered. And Mary and Joseph fleeing to Egypt with little Jesus to save his life. That part of the story seems less picturesque. Put some tasteful white lights on there, quick! Friend, may I gently suggest that Christmas isn’t just for the good years? If your hear...

Perhaps you and your spouse have thought about adoption or foster care for years. Maybe it's a brand new thought but it keeps coming up everywhere, seemingly out of the blue. Your church might have recently spotlighted the orphan crisis and uncomfortable thoughts keep needling their way into your mind. Suddenly it seems that there are billboards about foster care and adoption everywhere you go, adoptive families who keep crossing paths with your life, common threads in conversation, in radio programming, in blog posts. You hear the phrase, "Not everyone is called to adopt and foster," and you heave a sigh of relief. Perhaps God is calling to to be a support family, to intercede for orphans in prayer, to raise awareness. Or perhaps, perhaps , God is nudging your heart that He is leading your family to step into the hard places of foster care and adoption, and you're running scared. My husband NP and I were those people running scared for a long time. And...

As leaves fill the trees, graduation parties fill the squares on our May calendar, and thoughts of summer vacation fill our minds... questions about homeschooling tend to fill my conversations this time of year. Homeschooling is a fantastic fit for our family. We love it, our kids thrive with it, and I am so grateful for the privilege of teaching them. I love the intensive time of discipleship and relationship building it gives us and the intentional way we can engage life together as a family. Will we homeschool all the way through? I don't know. We are confident God will guide us step by step. Would we do this again? Absolutely. Could you homeschool, if that's what God is calling your family to do? No doubt. But should you homeschool? I don't know. I can't answer that for you. What I can tell you is that fear isn't a good reason to do [or not do] anything. Are you considering homeschooling out of fear? Or are you considering homeschooling b...

This one's for you, Mama. For you when weariness wakes up with you - when sleep is fleeting, eyes are heavy, no coffee strong enough. For you when tantrums rage and you cry hidden tears of frustration and exhaustion. For you when you read the news headlines and look at your precious ones and fear lurks at the edges. For you when children stretch tall and hormones rage and doors slam and every emotion possible somehow shares the same ten minutes. For you when no one can find their shoes. Matthew 19:13-15  Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them.   Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” When He had placed His hands on them, He went on from there. Familiar verses... but linger a moment with me, Mama. Some days our work feels small, unimportant, unworthy of notice. That's how the dis...

I mentioned before  that I started "quickly" reading through Matthew in September. Yep, still in Matthew. Still marvelling at Jesus. At His Kingship. At His kingdom. His kingdom is so opposite of our natural inclinations. You want to save your life? You'll lose it. Lose your life for My sake - and you'll find it. You want to be great? Humble yourself; come like a child. The more we deny and empty ourselves of self, the more we experience the reality of His kingdom, His Kingship, in our lives. So today as I begin my morning - looking out at the frosty grass touched by the Creator's ice-tipped paintbrush, at birds fluttering here and there, each one seen and known by its Maker - I ponder. What if today I became less? What if this day, and everyday, this was my prayer: More of You Less of me In all I do All I see I sink low To lift You high Because You live Today I die. Be great in my life today, Lord. Be lifted higher. I'm at your feet, Kin...

Reading news headlines brings back memories. Thoughts of water park trips, the feeling of dropping at dizzying speeds through twists and turns of slides with names like The Toilet Bowl . The thrill, the moments of breathless panic, the utter exhaustion. It makes me want to hold my breath - this downward, ever faster, desperate pull of our world. Huddle the kids close. Strap lifejackets on tight. I don't want them caught in the undertow and pulled to the deep. As culture degrades, politics divide, social media dishes depravity and broken identity, how do we help them find their footing? How do we prepare them to stay afloat in the deep, not try to isolate them on the shore? Today we finished the last page in Long Story Short . As we have journeyed through the lives of Daniel, Ezra, Nehemiah - men growing up and living for God through exile in pagan Babylon - the truths they held close, truths that inspired faithful lives in an unfaithful land, ring out loud and clear. Bet...

This past Monday, my heart trembled a little when our social worker wanted to stop by to talk in person. This isn't my first rodeo - I knew what that meant. A hard conversation was coming. As gently and compassionately as she could, she broke the news. She had gotten word that Baby M will most likely be moving soon. It wasn't her plan, wasn't her choice. It wasn't mine, either. I stood and nodded and held my tears in check. I thanked her for her kindness, for fighting for what she thought was best for M. As I closed the door, my heart was reeling, screaming to pull back, whimpering in the corner, "this is too much. I'm done. I don't want to do this anymore!" I was already bracing for all of the well-intentioned "I don't know how you guys do this..."  comments that would come when people heard that M was moving. Bracing for the teary conversations with my children. Bracing for the painful process of packing up baby clothes and toy...

Dear baby M- You had your two month doctor appointment today. You did so well, of course - you are just about the sweetest baby ever. Mama was so proud of you. We both were, we moms. You see, your real mom came with us today. She asked what she should refer to me as, what we call ourselves at home. It was hard to tell her we usually call ourselves Mommy and Daddy. It's what's most natural, what we've done with all of our babies. She didn't seem to mind; it made me want to cry to hear your mom call me Mom, and then call herself Mom, too. You are doubly loved. Two mamas who love you so much. I've gone to lots of pediatrician appointments over the past ten years, including six different two-month appointments. This one was unique, and it will always stand out in my memory. At this appointment, I wasn't sure who should carry your seat. Who should get you undressed. Who should pick you up when you cried. I'm not your real mama, and yet I am. I'...

The owner of these cute little toes recently turned ten. Somehow an entire decade has passed. A decade of diapers, milestones, crayons, bandaids, tears, time outs, babydolls, zoo trips, library visits, hikes, snuggles, and discoveries. My little girl isn't quite so little anymore. We gave her clothes for her birthday and she was thrilled. Times have changed. As much as my mama-heart feels nostalgic and a little sad to see her stretching up tall and looking less like a child, I am thankful. She is growing in her understanding of the world. She is growing in her own abilities. She is growing in love for others. She is growing in her love for Jesus. She is my biological child, but my greatest privilege and blessing has been mothering her spiritually. John says it well, speaking of his spiritual children - there is no greater joy. "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." 3 John 1:4 In the past week we have opened a new c...